Jess Tedder just sent me this link. It's a counterscript for responding to telemarketers. Great stuff.
Here are some of my stories.
Cincinnati Enquirer Salesperson: May I ask why you're not interested in a (newspaper) subscription?
Me (sobbing): Because I can't read okay!
Home Improvements Salesperson: blah, blah, blah, buy our windows and doors
Me: Although I appreciate your call, my house does not have any windows or doors. We're pretty poor.
Home Improvements Salesperson (sarcastic): Oh, I see... blah, blah, blah, we also do carpeting.
Me: Well, we're not interested in that either; we have dirt floors. Like I said, we're poor.
My wife led a magazine salesperson on for about 15-20 minutes, picking out a dozen magazines that she would like to buy, seemingly very excited that the person called. Then the salesperson was ready to collect payment information.
Magazine Salesperson: Okay, I need to confirm that you are at least 18 years old.
Kelly: Oh, I'm not. I'm only 14.
Magazine Salesperson: Oh. Well, is your mom or dad home so that they could confirm your order?
Kelly: Oh gosh, they would never let me buy all of these magazines.
Magazine Salesperson: Oh.
Kelly (whining): Does this mean I won't get my magazines?